


the sun moon and star

by triviastar



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Depression, Isolation, Loneliness, M/M, Suicide, Teenagers, please dont read if suicide triggers you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-06 06:57:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16827487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triviastar/pseuds/triviastar
Summary: from the sun and moon to the stars, han jisung was all 🌙





	1. the moonless night

🏹 . . .

it was winter. but that was all. nothing special, there was no snow, christmas was over, the new year had begun and the nine boys was just as busy as ever.

"jisung no!"

"jisung yes!" ,yelled jisung as he pulled a pillow and the entire fort made by felix and hyunjin toppled down in an instant. throwing the pillow away jisung made a run with felix right behind him.

"stop running!" they two boys circled the sofa and felix tackled jisung finally and after a few minutes of laughter and tickles they stayed on the floor, in a tangled up mess. from the corner of his eyes, lee felix took a glance at han jisung, who smiled bright, but not bright enough, but it was there and somehow after two weeks of not having a word from his twin friend, this was more than enough.

"sungie?"

"are you free this saturday?" the cold floor felt uncomfortable and they sat up. a long silence stretched before a cloud from jisung's eyes disappeared.

"no"

felix wanted to ask why, or maybe pursue him to come because he's hardly been going out in a while, but contemplated against it, and said a soft _hmm._ but maybe he should have.

\---

it was tuesday and han jisung turned around in his rotating chair with a pen and dairy littered with scratched out lines and doodles at the corners.

“do you want to hear the new track i made last night?” ,chan asked smiling. he wasn't smiling for the fact that he accomplished producing a new track in one night — he did that quite a lot — but because there was han jisung, two weeks after not responding to calls and texts, not even answering when changbin has knocked on his door with his favourite vanilla ice cream. when the door knob turned and han jisung entered changbin and chan exchanged looks that screamed to ask _what happened_ with worry lining their faces, but the cautionary look from chan stopped changbin from asking anything and they casually responded to jisung's _hey hyungs wassup._

“hyung no! i haven't finished the lyrics for the last track yet!” ,new tracks meant new ideas, and new ideas meant jisung concentrated on those more and inevitable the old song was left incomplete, and as much as he hated that, it still kept happening.

“it's fine jisung.” ,chan said a bit confused. jisung never drew away from writing more and creating beautiful stories, his mind was a ink bottle at the brink waiting to be soaked on paper and create the tales, “it's not like we're running out of time.”

seo changbin never spoke much, but he observed. he observed how jisung's hold over his old grey hoodie tightened, or how his anxious eyes closed and took a short breath and answered, “yeah we're not running out of time afterall.”

and he wanted to ask what troubled the younger so much, but he didn't. but maybe he should have.

\---

it was wednesday and jisung sat with woojin hyunjin and minho at the lunch table. the rest probably had extra classes — or that's what jisung thought woojin said but he was too unfocused to remember.

“oh jisung i forgot to give you the tickets for the annual show!” ,hyunjin suddenly broke the silence and opened his bag to find the said ticket, “it's this sunday”

hyunjin turned more frantic every second his hand did not wrap around the familiar brown paper and then minho accounced, “oh wait! but i took a ticket from your bag and gave it to chan hyung! you said you had already given tickets to jisung so i thought that was an extra!”

“what!”

“but i don't think im free on sunday.” ,jisung looked at hyunjin and minho having a breakdown and woojin calmly picked up his phone and dailed a number.

minho looked horrified, but he had his reasons of course. seven years and han jisung had never missed an annual show. he was always present on the first row with a fresh bouquet of peonies — people often thought they were dating, they were not, but let the people think so anyways — and a bright smile looking at minho on the stage as the latter was ready to loose himself to the beats of the music. and here was the young rapper without a ticket and saying that _was not free on sunday_ and panic and sadness creeped unto minho.

“what do you mean you're not free? jisung it's the annual show and you're always free!” ,if minho's voice went louder than usual, woojin and hyunjin did not point it out.

“okay okay hyung calm down _stop saying sorry about the tickets_ i will make myself free on sunday okay hyung?” ,jisung held minho's hand for a brief moment. woojin received a text and announced that his friend would get him a ticket but he needed time and woojin smiled, hyunjin sighed and minho calmed down — they were too caught up the notice the lie that floated around them.

\---

it was thursday early morning when jisung stood at the medicine shop counter in the same old grey hoodie — it wasn't actually his. two winters back he had taken it from changbin and since then he wore it. besides it was warm and changbin never asked for it — when he heard two very familiar voices and stiffened slightly.

“oh hyung!” ,jisung turned around with a sun blinding smile at seungmin and jeongin, “what are you doing here?”

“seungmin this is a medicine shop what do you think i am doing here? mom needed some medicines so i came to buy those for her.” ,those two were the only ones in their group of nine who were younger than jisung, and while jisung had the heart of gold filled with innocence, he found himself being protective of his younger friends always looking out for them, “how is jeongin's fever?”

“it's doing down hyung but still seungmin hyung insised on buying more medicines and that i should _get some fresh air”_ , jeongin said standing close to seungmin.

a thought came to jisung and he turned towards the counter, “could you pack my medicines in a bag? yes? thank you.”

the cold air nipped at their faces as they exited the quiet shop.

“hyung we're going to the cafe you coming with us ?”

“no jeongin not today.” ,although thursday was a sudden holiday from school, jisung had a lot to catch up on and complete, “i am very busy today.”

unable to say anything else the younger two waved at jisung as he took a different turn towards his house, not once questioning why he was buying medicines for a person he did not live with.

\---

thursday went as jisung planned. he completed his english essay which was due the very next day, he finished writing lyrics for the last as well as the new track chan made him listen to in the studio, tied the loose ends of all other unfinished songs, watched a couple of videos from his _watch later_ section on youtube, called the local flower shop and orderer a fresh bouquet of peonies for minho for his performance on sunday, called his grandmother to let her know that the sweets she had sent for him were absolutely amazing and also ordered a pizza which he ate alone — after all life was too short to enjoy good food. on thursday, jisung was indeed busy.

friday came with clouds covering the sky and students wore layers upon layers to get the warmth, it was a surprise it wasn't snowing yet. maybe next week, jisung thought, it would snow. after school the nine boys gathered at the coffee shop at the corner, they sat on the same seat, jisung between chan and changbin in his usual spot. he drank the same drink, he never liked trying new tastes. the regular customers and employees were used to their loud chatters and laughs. jisung smiled brightly at something felix said, chan noticed and smiled too. they were nine but once it was just him and jisung and chan couldn't help but always want the best for him. minho sipped loudly at his drink causing woojin to give mocking looks of disgust as jeongin followed his suit and sipped louder causing everyone to laugh. jisung found himself being happy on friday and he was so greatful for that.

\---

saturday.

felix had texted him again asking if he was free but just like the last time, he denied. jisung made himself breakfast — just the same milk and cereal (he put milk first and knew he was right). the wind entered from the window but he felt too unenthusiastic to move, the cold made him numb, he felt like he was underwater unable to focus on anything particular, his mind running through a million thoughts at once never concentrating on any one in particular. the same faded blue walls stared back at back reminding him that it was saturday and he didn't have school. taking the bowl to the sink he cleaned the wiped it and put it on the counter. he called the flower shop again to check if they had minho's address alright to deliver him the peonies on sunday. keeping his phone downstairs he went to his room. the walls were same as always, except the few new schedules and reminders on sticky notes. it was all the same. it was saturday.

he knew all too well what he was doing. he knew this from a few weeks back when his parents had left for business issues and he was left alone. he was tired. very.

_hyung i feel so tired_ he had whispered in the studio once and chan and changbin had looked at him confused because after all he was han jisung and was the epitome of an energy ball. that's what he was tired of, being what other people always thought he was — the sun and the moon at the same time which never failed to shine, forgetting that even moonless nights exists and the glow burns out. jisung did not look at the mirror, nor did he count the pills as he mindlessly took them, neither did he remember when the cold chilly water had started filling the tub and he felt himself sinking and the world was getting blurred and then — the light was out and it was the moonless night.

\---

“where's jisung?”

“he said he's busy, won't join us.” ,felix replied to woojin as they looked at the sun going down from the banks of han river.

“oh!” ,woojin exclaimed taking out a ticket from his jean pocket, “i was supposed to give this to him today.”

“guys it's getting darker we should head back.” ,chan said gathering up his belongings which included a small packet of warm food for jisung, “maybe we can drop by his house give this (he indicated the packet) and the ticket to him.”

“and company”

“yeah and company”

huddled against each other in attempts to warm themselves and entered through the familiar brown door which was unsurprisingly open. jisung usually left it open for them.

“jisung!” ,chan called out setting the food on the table. seungmin jeongin and hyunjin turned on the heater and captured the sofa trying to warm themselves from the cold. woojin and minho waited for jisung to come down.

“jisung?” ,chan called out again, “wait I'll go up and check. that brat probably ditched us to watch some kdrama and has his headphones on.”

chan walked up the stairs and entered into the familiar room which was now empty, “ji?”

a wave of worry hit him as he looked at the balcony and failed to spot the familiar brunette. in the silence he heard the water and relief washed over him _jisung was just in the washroom._

“hey jisung?” , he turned the knob knowing it wouldn't open, but it did and when bang chan saw the sight in front of him, he felt all the air sucked out of his lungs, his head hurt and every fibre in his body refused to accept the sight in front of him, the cells in his body wanted to fight the scream forcing out of his throat and his eyes were burning his hands were shaking and his feet was cold from all the water and bang chan let out the scream.

\---

the seven had engaged themselves in a game of rock-paper-scissors when a blood curdling scream broke through the peace of the house and the seven ran upstairs and was met with the same horrifying sight — chan sat in the midst of cold water and his tears with a frail cold body of han jisung _who was once the sun and moon but now lived among the stars._


	2. the stars don't shine

huddled in the same familiar, but not yet so unfamiliar rooms of han jisung, the eight boys lamented on every sign, every word, every gesture and every possible way they could have helped — but they did not.

at 11:12 am minho's mother called him saying _minho! a boquet of flower came in parcel for you. jisung sent them, he's the sweetest isn't he?_ and all she heard in answer were the wreaking sobs of her son which were followed with incoherent words and more sobs.

changbin found a note on jisung's table written on a fluoresent coloured sticky note _chan hyung i finished my part for the new tracks and changbin hyung, i wrote the rap for the unfinished ones. feel free to cut them out if you dont like them._

changbin crumbled the paper and threw it and then all at once like a sudden storm the books were toppled down and a cry of anguish sounded from seo changbin. chan just cried. 

the others cried too. 

just like jisung had thought, it had started snowing and that night, not even the stars shined.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this too, shall pass [ han jisung ]

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you can always reach out to people. as a person myself who has had bad times, ive made the mistake of not talking to people who even if can't help, can just listen atleast. even though i still find myself stopping for taking help, i feel like im getting better and i hope you get better too. i love you.


End file.
